I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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