OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
