I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
