I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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