It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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