Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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