Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
