and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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