Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
