I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
