i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
