Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
