I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
