Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
