Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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