I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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