we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize