Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
