I smell stomach acid.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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