all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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