look no pants
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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