i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
