your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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