Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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