i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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