you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
