I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
