Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
