dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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