I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
