I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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