my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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