mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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