On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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