why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
