I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
