Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
