The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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