it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize