one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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