9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He passed out mid-signature
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize