she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
