i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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