I could have mohawked her pubes.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
