just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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