you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I AM VODKA MAN
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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