Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
