i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize