She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
