FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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