PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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