Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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