k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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